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Looking back over times where you were most happy, you probably notice that the thought “I am now happy” was not going through your head. It’s usually something you only notice in hindsight.
In fact, not having to think about whether you were happy or not was probably one of the best things about that moment.
The word ‘happiness’ doesn’t do these moments justice, and given its ambiguous meanings, it might be better to refer to these moments as moments when your life is how you would wish it to be.
In these moments, you lose a sense of time, and maybe even a sense of yourself. Simply put, you’re fully engaged in what is happening there and then.
The state you are in in these moments can be referred to as a “Flow-state” in the words of psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who introduced the concept in his book, “Flow”.
He says that these states are usually a result of being involved voluntarily in something challenging and worthwhile that is right at the limit of your current skillset, neither too far beyond it nor too far below it.
Finding flow involves skating that line where you aren’t bored by something that is too easy (sitting on the couch scrolling social media for hours), nor are you anxious and frustrated by taking on something too far beyond what you’re capable of (trying to go ocean swimming, when you can’t even swim a length of the pool).
That’s a far stretch from what we often think of as happiness, but it’s pretty spot on for our new concept of moving towards life as you wish it to be.
You might find this Flow-state in an important work task that challenges you but is still just within your ability, which you know will make a difference to your own progress in the company, as well as benefiting the company.
You might find it in a deep conversation with a friend, where you are exchanging new information with each other, helping you update your knowledge about yourself and the other person, whilst you both work out what’s going on with each other’s lives, and what your next steps in the world should be.
You might find it in a sporting event where your opponents are pushing you to your limit, but you know that if you give it your all, you have a good chance of winning.
It could be in something as simple as creating a new spreadsheet system in work, or organising your wardrobe, or watching a really good series that has complex plots and characters.
It would be hard to argue that wanting to have more of those moments in our lives would be a bad idea. So how do we cultivate more?
Self-knowledge is important here, in recognising the parts of your life where you’ve regularly, or at least previously, experienced Flow, as these will be an indication of what to replicate. Seeking out new ways of experiencing Flow is important too, particularly if you can’t think of many examples from your life.
With that said, there are a few things you can put in place to ensure what you’re setting out to do is more likely to be a Flow experience, according the Csikszentmihalyi:
1. Set goals with milestones/subgoals.
2. Measure progress.
3. Concentrate on what you’re doing during each part of the process.
4. Develop skills to match any new opportunities that arise.
5. Raise stakes if the activity becomes boring.
This could be applied to something big like changing career or starting a business, where you might be setting goals and measuring progress around how much money you want to make, for example, or training for a marathon, where goals and progress markers will be based around miles per week, paces etc. Alternatively, this could be used to make seemingly simple or potentially boring tasks more enjoyable (think: painting the house, planting a garden, doing an assignment, spending time with family).
The beauty of this is that you determine your success or failure, or rather, your feeling of Flow determines it.
This is different than what you usually might use to determine success (Earning more than someone else, beating a race time simply because other people deem it good, painting a picture a specific way only because you think other people won’t criticise it that way.)
If you’re getting into that Flow-state as much as possible, through seeking things that bring it about naturally, and by cultivating it in your everyday life, almost by definition, your life is likely to be improved, or we could say, you’re likely to be happier.
Plus, the likelihood is that you’re not only spending your time productively, utilising your skills closer to their maximum, but you’re also improving everything around you, big and small, and that’s likely to have a positive effect on others.