Beyond Order - Jordan B. Peterson
3-Sentence Summary:
Life contains elements that are characterised by malevolence and suffering on one side, potentially leaving us resentful and nihilistic, and beauty, joy, and love on the other side, serving as a potential antidote.
There is another balance between appreciating the institutions and achievements of the past (bringing forward what is useful), and progress (updating the world to what is currently needed).
As an individual, you can choose to become resentful and nihilistic in your view of the world (whether that is about things that happened in the past or the worries for the future), or you can have the courage to take on responsibility for the betterment of the things that are within your control, in spite of the knowledge that you’ll fall short, using the wisdom of the past and having faith that the future can be better.
Notes:
"Do not carelessly denigrate social institutions or creative achievement."
We outsource the problem of sanity, meaning that we don't merely remain mentally healthy as a result of our own mental capacity, but also because we are constantly being kept in line with how to think, act, and speak by those around us (the social world).
Not only is the individual moulded by the social world, but the social world is also simultaneously shaped by the requirements of the individual.
This makes denigrating long-lasting social institutions dangerous, since they were formed iteratively based on what has worked for the individuals.
Competency hierarchies can be examples of this. They have been developed to put those who are best at solving the specific problems in the position to do so, benefitting the rest of the society.
For the individual, the aim shouldn't be to simply get to the top of the hierarchy (winning that one game) but to do so with others in mind (therefore being invited back to play, and probably win, more games). There is an emergent ethic that comes out of that, to aim at the best for you, but also the people around you.
Taking your place at the bottom of a hierarchy can be useful in that it develops gratitude (that there are those above you solving problems) and humility (about not knowing as much as you could know).
Being an equal among peers (say in the middle of a hierarchy, but presumably at any level) allows for the exchange of information more freely than upwards or downwards.
If the hierarchy is working well, and the problem is real, those with the most competence should rise to the top, and with a certain relief from others, since the problem has the best chance of getting solved, improving life for everyone.
Sometimes, however, these hierarchies, and social institutions more generally, can become overly restrictive and resistant to necessary change.
This balance between conserving those things that work well and those things that need to be progressed, changed, or updated plays out in the political sphere, with conservatives on one side, and progressives on the other. These two are linked to personality.
The meta-rule here can be seen in hero myths, like Harry Potter, where one should follow the rules, unless the rules need to be broken - if following those same rules would undermine the underlying moral underpinnings of the rules.
"Imagine who you could be and then aim single-mindedly at that."
The question of who you should be and how you live your life has been an important question for thousands of years.
In order to answer this, we can turn to the stories that have captivated people for thousands of years. If we assume that the purpose of memory is learning for better coping with future situations, and that those things that would be remembered have passed many tests of usefulness, we can assume that there is something to be learned for us as a human. The stories that have lasted the test of time include to a large extent 'hero myths' where the hero sets out on a journey, faces trial and tribulations, goes through them, and comes back to his tribe with the wisdom picked up along the way.
These stories abstracted become religious stories.
We can also look to those things that spontaneously appear interesting to us as individuals. What is a better thing to pursue than something that we feel compelled to? Perhaps that is a hint towards our own hero's journey.
Perhaps in this pursuit, we will find a story that is meaningful and productive and become the hero of that story.
"Do not hide unwanted things in the fog."
What you do every day repeats and accumulates over time. If it happens every day, it is really worth changing if you don't like it, even if it's small.
We sometimes won't make our goals clear because making clear goals defines the metric for what failure looks like. We may think not defining failure means we'll never fail, but we then don't have goals, and without goals, we don't have positive emotion, since positive emotion is, at least in part, for moving us towards our goals. No goals = purposelessness.
If we want our life to be better, we should admit how we feel. That way, we can clarify it, but also get others opinions on it. Better yet, we may even get what we want!
We should also get clear on our past. The function of our memory is to take lessons from it, so getting clear on our story about the past can allow us to repeat more of what is good and less of what is bad.
"Notice that opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated."
If you want to be invaluable, in a workplace for example, do the useful things that no one else is doing.
We experience meaning as a result of moving towards a worthwhile goal. This required the acceptance of responsibility. The more responsibility you take on, the more meaning you will experience.
"Do not do what you hate."
When we are being asked to do something that we deem as immoral, we have a duty to articulate it, albeit in a practical way, before our ability to do so is taken away, and it often is when we wait too long to say something.
"Abandon ideology."
With a decline in the popularity of traditional religions, we are left without a structure that was previously there to guide people with how to live.
Ideology has a tendency to replace that, where someone takes one aspect of the world as defining characteristic and aims to explain everything through it. Inevitably, this often ends in disaster (e.g. communism).
Instead, we should take the more humble approach of acting out our values in our own life, fixing those things within our reach, whilst crucially taking responsibility for the outcomes.
"Work as hard as you possibly can on at least one thing and see what happens."
The world is extremely complex and there are almost infinite numbers of things we could pay attention to. Having clear goals simplifies the world, reducing uncertainty and anxiety.
Even if these goals aren't exactly reflective of your ideal outcome, they will be far preferable to no goals. "If you aim at nothing, you become plagued by everything."
One piece of advice would be to choose the best path currently available, even if it is far from ideal.
This concept is reflected in the proper development of children, where the ability to learn how to play specific games with others (in spite of, perhaps, their desire to do what they individually want) teaches them that there is more joy to be had when there are some constraints. Good parenting will provide some constraints for this reason, rather than the common idea that this is quelling their creativity, for example. Chaos in the alternative.
It is also seen in work, where the apprentice must first follow the established rules or even dogma, before becoming a master, where they no longer have to be a servant of dogma. The initial constraints, and the learnings that come as a result, are a requirement to reaching mastery.
"Try to make one room in your home as beautiful as possible."
Beauty reminds you of that which is immune to cynicism.
The job of an artist is to remind us of that beauty.
We can also experience that through experiencing everyday life with children.
We can establish a relationship with beauty in many ways but one easy way is to make a room in your home as beautiful as you can.
"If old memories still upset you, write them down carefully and completely."
Old memories that still upset you, make you feel anger, or make you feel scared are protective, the aim being to keep you from repeating them.
However, if we are able to clearly extract the lesson that is to be learned from that experience, we will be clearer on what part is to be avoiding, or will have a clear idea of where we need to improve in order to stop it from happening again. With that, rather than being emotionally controlled by the experience, we can take control of it.
A key to doing this is to get extremely clear on what happened and why you feel the way you do. Writing it out or talking it out can help a lot. Hence the advice of journaling as well as therapy.
"Plan and work diligently to maintain the romance in your relationship."
In order to get what is best from a relationship, it is important to articulate what you actually want, and listen to what the other person wants. For that reason, it is advisable to schedule in at least 90 minutes of time with your partner to talk about each others' individual experiences. This also means the other person won't be left having to guess (and probably be wrong) about what you actually want from them.
This can be difficult, since, by being honest with your desires, you simultaneously give the other person the ability to help fulfil the desires, but you also give the other person potential ammunition to hurt or embarrass you. For that reason, trust is extremely important in a relationship.
The importance of long-term commitment is also important here. You're more likely to trust someone with what you want if you are confident that they will stick with you regardless and work these things through with you. This is one of the benefits of the concept of marriage, which makes it harder to separate from someone and gives you a chance to express your intentions to stay with them for life.
Creating this relationship isn't just about getting what you want from the relationship. It's also about providing a solid base to start a family, to allow you to pursue a career, and perhaps even spend some time focusing on your own leisure.
Setting up roles within the relationship is important too. Traditional roles can be useful as a starting point, but even if not strictly adhered to, getting clear on what is deemed fair by both parties will allow you to hold up your side of the bargain and be happy about it.
Do not ever punish your partner for doing something that you want them to do, particularly if it took them a lot of effort. The likelihood of them doing it again diminishes rapidly if you do.
"Do not allow yourself to become resentful, deceitful, or arrogant."
We tend to think of our lives in terms of a story, with a starting point and a destination in the future, along with perceived difficulties and ways of overcoming those along the way.
It's instinctual, and if you want to teach a child something, you should do so in terms of a story.
To coddle children is to make them weak since there is a natural adaptive process that comes with difficulty.
Our political outlook is dependent in large part on our inborn temperament, but since both sides have their points in given situations, it is important to listen to those who are natural antagonists to us in the temperament.
Resentment can come as a result of the harsh fact that nature in some ways conspires against us. The antidote is to confront that head-on and become stronger as a result since any other alternative leaves you as a victim to nature.
The lair is arrogant enough to believe that he is smarter than everyone else, and that he can manipulate the world to suit his desires. However, this places him at a disadvantage, since his orientation in the world (particularly if he lies to himself) is not the real world, and his in-built assumptions are therefore faulty from the start.
"Be grateful in spite of your suffering."
Knowing that there is malevolence and suffering in the world, you have choices around how to act. You can become resentful, or you can choose to work towards the betterment of the negative aspects you see in the world.
Confronting the negativity in the world gives you something to aim away from, and thinking about the potential malevolence in yourself and others allows you to understand it better, and therefore deal with it better when it inevitably comes your way.
Inevitably, the choice of whether to succumb to the temptations of nihilism and selfishness comes down to the courage to chose to work for the good of the world, in spite of the badness and potential pointlessness.
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